Q. What is Self Esteem ?
A. Simply it is the state or condition of mind in which the Self is realized. – Yogi Bhajan
Self-Esteem is a huge issue with many people in our world as reflected by the huge number of books in the self – help section of most books stores. The irony is the True Self needs no help at all!
A more appropriate description for that section would be EGO helping EGO.
The Ego loves to play games to keep you running in circles chasing your tail. The Ego gives you short-term advice on how to build your self-esteem – how to bolster and puff yourself up like a blow fish. Suggestions such as, get a make –over, go on a diet, lose weight; exercise more; take a class; learn a new language, get that perfect mate – anything to use your willpower (energy) to improve yourself. This keeps the Ego alive because what goes up – must come down. Anything that is driven from an Ego motivation is destined to fail because it is not in Truth. These methods keep you in an endless loop of false confidence to self – loathing and then back again.
True self – esteem comes from an authentic connection to your Self.
Self– esteem is the fragrance that emanates from this Self just as kindness, self-respect, self-love all originate from this place too.
It is wiser to chase the Self rather than chase self-esteem. So what’s the big deal – the Self is always within you – why is it so difficult to make and maintain this connection to the SELF?
5 Ways To Gain Self-Esteem
1. Command the Mind
The mind is at the root of most of your problems – especially low self-esteem. Whenever you attempt to move forward in your life – it is the mind that sends the deluge of critical, judgmental and self-hating thoughts. You are not your thoughts. Most people will not do their destiny because they are afraid of upsetting their own mind. Even if you say, “That’s crazy – it is the judgment of other people I fear”. No these people are only reflecting your own mind. Daily meditation is non-negotiable now in order to develop a relationship with your mind. However, that only gives you a chance to witness how your mind pulls you here and there during your daily life. Commanding the mind is a full time job – it is becoming a witness of your thoughts and refusing to react or act until you are clear.
2. Trust Your Inner Authority
God has given you your own inner authority – your own inner compass that is guiding you through time and space. However, we have been taught and trained not to trust it. We have been taught that only special people know us better than we know ourselves. And we give our authority over to them – this only reinforces low self-esteem. Who better to know You than You? No one else is having your unique experience of life – no one can really walk in your shoes. This does not mean you dismiss another person trying to help you with thoughtful advice. Remember God can work through anyone. Neutrally take their advice in and put it through your own inner authority to determine if it is true for you or not. Truth is a frequency of energy that will resound with your Self or not. Your Mind is not your inner authority. Test this out when you listen to people – do you feel YES and lit up or NO that feels a bit off –like you suddenly are lopsided? You can thank a person for their input and it is your choice if you follow their advice or not. If they are a true friend of your higher consciousness – they will respect you for it.
3. Transcend the self By Knowing yourself
In order to transcend the self – first you need to know the self. How well do you really know yourself? Are there parts of yourself you wish would just go away but they don’t? Chances are that these are parts of you that you need to embrace. The only reason you don’t accept yourself is that the ego has written a self-concept of you that is not in truth. Most people want to be someone they’re not – look at the magazine racks – they sell you how to be NOT YOU. Low Self esteem is not accepting the truth of who you are. Getting to know yourself means spending time alone and out of the conditioning field of other people so that you can really feel what it is to be YOU. To start to know YOU – ask yourself questions and answer them in truth.
What are your values separate from the groups you belong to? What uplifts your Spirit? What opens your Heart? If you knew you would take your last breath next week – what would you be doing?
4. Embrace your Perfection
When you are disconnected from your Self you rely on the ego. The ego will always tell you that you are lacking in someway and you need to prove yourself. The ego will tell you that you are not smart enough, attractive enough, successful enough … basically you are not good enough and you have no value. This can be happening at the unconscious level and perhaps this wound has been handed down through your ancestral lineage. This energy will drive you to make choices that are not correct for you in order to prove yourself.
Most people on the planet are not here to prove themselves. Before any action take time to question your motivation. Ask yourself, “Why do I want to do this? Am I trying to prove myself to someone? Prove that I am a good friend, partner, worker, loyal.” “Am I feeling worthless right now and trying to escape from these painful feelings?” The Truth is that you are Perfect and Whole – the Creator created you and does not make mistakes. The Self lacks nothing for how can it – it is connected to all that is.
5. Let Go of the Past
People can recount all the horrible things that have happened to them in their past and all the people who are responsible for their low self-esteem. Being raised in the age of darkness while holding on to your light was no easy feat. The ego’s version of letting go of the past is seeking some kind of vengeance or payback before moving on. Or diminishing the pain, “It wasn’t that bad – my friend had it worse”. To truly let go of the past – you have to go into the dark recesses of the subconscious mind and at the cellular level. This means rolling up your sleeves and feeling all the pain that is associated with these memories. The beauty of the technology of Kundalini yoga is that it can work at the cellular level.
This is great meditation to practice for 40 Days to really let go of the Past – it is challenging but worth the effort: